Tuesday, May 18, 2010

Computers with Moms and Dads


>dad uses computer
>double click all links

    >help dad with his laptop
    >desktop is filled with porn

    >build mom $1,000 system for converting home movies and editing and burning to blu-ray
    >dedicated sims 3 system

    >try to show mom you can use ctrl-c/v to copy and paste
    >she refuses, saying "it's too complicated"

>Dad: "Okay, now scroll up"
>Me: *scrolls up*
>Dad: "NO, I SAID UP!"
>Me" "I JUST DID!"
>Dad: "FUCK, I PAID TO SEND YOU TO SCHOOL, AND YOU STILL DONT KNOW THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN UP AND DOWN."
>Me: *scrolls down*
>Dad: "THAT'S BETTER!"

    >dad has cellphone for 5 years
    >doesn't know how to add new contacts

    >aunt uses my comp
    >says comp is broken
    >mouse upside down

>Fix bosses computer at work
>See google searches for nude 12 year olds
>Lol inside

    >my mom uses IE
    >tell her to switch to FF
    >she refuses
    >change the IE shortcut to open FF
    >she notices everything loads faster but think it's some IE update
    >just as planned

    >mom spends all day playing backgammon against the computer on facebook
    >buy backgammon as mother's day gift so we can play together
    >she would rather play against the computer
    >; ;

>SON STOP DOWNLOADING IN YOUR COMPUTER, MY LAPTOP IS TAKING A LONG TIME TO BOOT

    >dad pronounces "gigabytes" as "jiggabytes" despite me correcting him multiple times

>Father in law types "google" in the google search box
>Clicks first result, which is google
>Googles what he wanted to find in the first place

    >show google earth to mom
    >find our house
    >she tells me to go in the garden so she can see me on google earth

    >live in malibu CA
    >work at malibu boys and girls club
    >watch highschool kids try to plug USB plugs into vents on monitor
    >watch as other staff tries to help, confused why it's not going in
    >help them
    >get called a freaky computer nerd


    >have to reinstall winXP on mom's laptop because it's slow as shit
    >she asks me to back up everything she has
    >I start saving folders and notice the C:\temp folder is huge
    >go in it, see a hidden folder called "Work"
    >almost 8 GB big, full of horse porn
    >the next day she asks what was wrong
    >I say "mostly spyware, it look a bit of horsing around to remove it"
    >her face